


Envy and some Dreams

by jedimoogle



Series: Tales from the Underdark [2]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28828416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedimoogle/pseuds/jedimoogle
Summary: this is DnD stuff so don't mind me. Supplemental things for my fellow players and DM.
Series: Tales from the Underdark [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134605





	Envy and some Dreams

Heavy was the weight upon her body, but the blue tiefling's fatigue helped tremendously as she sought to shed her armor and awareness. Her face hurt, throat sore from crying and shouting; she groped for water from the nightstand and abandoned the effort to use a cup and drank deeply from the ewer, getting her gambeson wet as it splashed around her mouth. The cold and wet was almost comforting, but even that was painful on her skin. She knew the water would help, the pain was-the physical pain was temporary at least. Her god-ancestor had his petty revenge, driving her to confront her former best friend and kill her [again] in a desperate struggle to right the worl-no, the prime material plane as she understood it. It felt weird, too vast to understand and too important for a poor, rude orphaned bastard like her to feel worthy of having such a fate foisted upon her but she would not shirk this responsibility.  
Sleep... sleep. It was weird and tricky like that, she'd missed the part and point where she'd laid down and done so but now, here-  
"You're still only chasing me you know. You'll never be good enough to beat me."  
Obviously a dream. Only in this place could the blonde half-elf torment her, and even this had to be a product of her useless garbage brain, Envy had cast aside her lifeless corpse after leaving the baleful sight of Hope's End. Hope's End prison,-she recalled the Warden. Her baleful, fiendish aura making the paladin itch madly in her presence. The look of despair in the eyes of the prisoners, the smell and stink of the dreadful, confined tunnels in the mine underneath it. Nobody should be forced to-  
Cold hands grip her chin and turn her head to look over and down, "Pay attention to me! I said-"  
"You said a lot of things when you were alive, 'Rona. I even remember a lot of it. Do you think it could have ended better? You, me-us?"  
"I-"  
"You know, I think I was in love with you. Maybe it was the idea of you."  
"Then you tricked yourself better than I ever could have. I used you and I never thought twice about it. Maglubiyet was done with me the moment you strangled me to death-He mocked me! Never been so humiliated..."  
"Even when you gave yourself to glubby's priests?" Envy fixed her gaze keenly on her dead friend.  
"Don't call Him that, he's petty enough to notice. And-they only spat on me and called me a disgusting elven traitor. Didn't even get to like, third base."  
"You, the irresistible half-elven paragon of beauty, or at least teenaged lusting desires, spurned by priests. How mortifying."  
"Not the first time it happened. Hey! I was here to roast you, not the other way around. You sleep with any of those people you brought with you? The red one? That brooding dark elf?"  
"No."  
"Hah. How like you."  
"You've been dead too long, you're off your game." Envy walks faster now, away. Ash and broken ground spread out before her. Yes, what she wanted all along. Fire, fire, there has to be the fire somewhere-there. Struggle or not, the loose scree and eneven ground does not deter her. A tall humanoid shape looms, even sitting at the fire.  
"You have questions." Ashen doesn't wait for her to sit. Doesn't have to. "Sit, if it pleases you."  
Envy draws closer and stares at her patron, looming over her even sitting, "Why me?"  
"Why anyone? Why you what, though, my child? You'll have to be more specific."  
"Why did you choose me to be your champion?"  
"I did not. The bearer found you, and was found... wanting. Thus, you are my champion now."  
"I didn't have to-did you want me to-was I supposed to-to..." She couldn't see, the ash was too painful, stinging her eyes. She scrubbed at her face, black smears around her eyes as two black trails ran down her face.  
"Sit." Ashen extended a hand and waited for Envy to take it, grabbing it as the tiefling cast about for it blindly.  
Envy tried to steady herself as she sat next to the intense heat of her patron, face still wet as she tried to push on, "was killing her part of your plan for me?"  
"Plan? Child, I have had no plan for anyone, ever. Not you, not me, not this. You give me too much credit. I ask all I ever have of you, to be strong."  
"Then I didn't have to kill her?"  
"You saw her. I do not think she would have allowed you to leave that place alive. Or your friends."  
"No, I mean-the first time I found you. I never wanted to-to-" it stings impossibly, the ash. Her face is so wet, black smears overwhelming.  
Ashen's rough hand wipes at her face, the skin hot to the touch as she looks at Envy with pity, "you did what you did. But-do you really think she would have allowed you to leave with that sword and my patronage, if she yet lived?"  
"I never meant to-I only wanted-I could have just pressed until she passed out-I never..."  
"Again, think. If you had let her live, how long would she have hunted you, what would she have done to get that sword back? To get even?"  
"So, I would have had to kill her, no matter what?" Ashen falls silent, only holding Envy close to her.

The morning light greets her and-anger, only-none of it was fair. She ate, but did not taste, did not enjoy it. There was only pain and anger. She did not care what happened to the things in the courtyard, it was only an outlet. Even after breaking everything in arm's reach, screaming-a moment's impulse to push the violent energy of her patron through her weapon to blast a crate into flinders-no-some part of her felt angry at-it was her doing. Only it wasn't. No, something else-more useful than smiting an object-the heat of her patron's magic washed over her as she cast, calming, she could almost hear her voice again, "I'm sorry, child. The world is cruel, do not let it turn you to that path as well..."

Going to Snowdout was her idea, why was she so full of regret now? Spending the day in plesant quiet after an insane morning skyfishing and fighting some kind of terrifying flying shark monster was a blessing but-fighting horrible things and putting her life in danger was so much easier than just telling Shivyr her feelings. Envy didn't even know what her feelings were or what they were doing, this was all so hard. Still, she stumbled through the day and evening well enough and had a nice dinner with Shivyr in spite of herself.  
"Ok soooo-" The blue dragonborn swept some soft animal dolls off her bed rather hastily, "We should be able to make this work, not too crowded."  
"I mean I can just be on the couch if its too much trouble-"  
"Nono, I want-" She pauses, the icicles on her head dripping a bit as her face grows warm, clears her throat awkwardly.  
"Hey," Envy looms over Shivyr, "thanks. y'know, for this for... I dunno, it feels nice to be wanted, I guess." She hugs her, carefully, in that matten seen of the overly cautious tall and strong.  
"I'm not made of spun glass and ice, you can hug me harder, you know. And maybe put that-I dunno, by the dolls."  
Envy looks anxious, "I mean-but I really couldn't-its just-I don't feel comfortable without some of my armor. And it reminds me of..." there's a slow pause, the two exchange a look. For the blue tiefling it feels like it drags on, feels the need to break the moment, "Hey Shivyr?"  
"Yeah Envy? Everything okay?" You look sorta... well, troubled." They break the embrace slowly.  
Envy is in the middle of peeling off her clothing as she continues, "I mean, yeah. Its just-well shit, just everything. Hey-" She's most of the way to naked as she grabs Shivyr's hand, "I didn't mean for that letter to sound so dramatic and stuff. I just-I don't know, I've been with boys and stuff but never-I don't know how to-everything's so-so difficult."  
There's a slow knowing look, Shivyr's hand cold to the touch, "yeah that... well I mean, you're an adventurer and everything, never know when... something could happen." She looks down, squeezing Envy's hand gently, the icicles on her horns slowly melt off; the dragonborn waves her fingers with a soft murmur, redirecting the flow into an empty bowl beside her bed.  
"I mean yeah. I was ok with that-like for a while. I just assumed-you step in front of big nasty things all the time-I mean I do. It gets easy to put one thing in front of the other, slowly and stuff. I didn't have any plans, I uh." she looks distant and squeezes her hand. "I'm still not scared of dying, not for me. I mean I don't want to, but... ok no I am. But its because then I wont get to-Shivyr, even if I do succeed and survive this whole stabilizing the fabric of the prime material plane, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself afterwards. I don't have a home, I'm a felon on my-on the closest thing I could call home. Shivyr, if-if I do make it out of this bullshit hero business alive, can I stay with you for a while? At least until I figure out what to do next?"  
Her piercing blue eyes looked into Envy's, hard for the paladin to read as she seemed to stare almost blankly. "A-aahh, of course you can! That's assuming you're not, like, whisked off to Vanguard for saving the everything and immediately given a job as like 'Protector of the Prime Material Plane', or something. Are you sure you'd want to stay here?" She added on after a brief pause." I mean, it's cold, we only really have fish and ice and snow, not exactly the most uh, hospitable of places to uh, live and-oh shit, I think I've gotten ahead of myself a bit, ah, uhm, Yes, you're welcome to stay here until you figure out what you're gonna do next. "Shivyr nodded, glad to have gotten heraelf back on track, somewhat.  
"I..." She swallows hard for a moment, and rallies. "I'll be honest, I really don't want to be wisked off anywhere to be protector of anything, now or after or... I'm not really the hero anyone might think I am, I'm not even really that good of a person. Thank you, Shivyr. It means the world to me." she leans in and kisses her cheek.  
"Well, uh, I think everyone struggles with imposter syndrome a lot, or at least the people who-..." Her cheek was warmer than her hands, at least on the softer scales as Envy kissed her, causing the sorcerer to lose her train of thought. "W-well if it means anything, I think you're a good person, despite- no, because of the stuff you've gone through, and how hard you're trying to keep going on the good and right path." She held Envy's hands tightly, keeping her close as they locked eyes, before Shivyr's lips found Envy's, pressing against them softly, then with more confidence.  
She holds the embrace and enjoys the kiss for a long moment then pulls away from the blue dragonborn, "Impostor what?" she yawns and flops over, "please forgive me if I pass out, its been a wee-mon-uh-year. Very long."  
"Are you gonna go to sleep with that shield o-" Shivyr began to ask, greeted by soft snoring. She sighed, and murmured, "big little spoon it is, then." and crawled into bed, arm over her new... girlfriend. Yeah, that sounds nice.  
The light is soft, the grass under her feet warm and the breeze gentle, as Envy dances with her partner. One pass around the green and a second, "I could do this forever, its so nice."  
"Really? I think its boring. This is your idea of fun?"  
Envy stiffens, hearing the voice, looks down to see her dancing partner is a blonde, smug half-elf. The blonde smut half-elf. "'Rona, I was-I thought you were-" She half lets go, half pushes her away.  
"You'll never be rid of me, not really-" Norona lets go in a bit of a spin and release, into a gesture, words and wave, her appearance blinking into that of Shivyr. "Oh but she is quite pretty, isn't she?" she studies the reflection in a pool of water. "How come I never saw her with your other friends? Don't tell me, she's delicate and fragile. How easy it would be to"  
"You wouldn't dare." Envy feels the layer of ice crusted over her body as she looms over the shade of her dead friend.  
"Oh, but whatever could I do? I'm dead remember? You killed me, again." a noose apparates and she dangles from it limply, mocking Envy handily.  
"Go away."  
"Make. Me." the moment drags out, a long pregnant pause as the two glower at one another, Norona in her own form and visage now, even with a slight hover she has to look up to make eye contact. "Go on, do it. Or maybe... I see, you don't really want to. Hmm, she was right, you know. I wonder how I would have done it. Waited for you to fall asleep and then stabbed you with it? Classic, but no. I know!" she conjures up a knife and flicks it across her cheek and forehead, getting blood everywhere, "Help, help me! Guards! This brute is assaulting me!" the image seems to play out in front of them, a superficially wounded Norona in a nightgown grabbing at a guard as a dazed Envy stirs and is pierced, and reacts to defend herself and is stabbed, over and over by guards, two, three, four of them, as Norona slinks behind and smirks. "And what would she have looked like?"  
"She?" Envy peers at Norona.  
"Oh, the new girl. The new you." She gestures, at once a half-orc, then a goliath, a rough-looking gnoll hunching, a hob-goblin. "So many choices, but so hard to find, but not for me. I know your type. Always girls, I'm like catnip to those poor, confused girls. Never men, they get angry and suspicious and jealous. But you-" she cups a chin of each image, sees it swoon just slightly and reaches up to Envy in turn, as the tiefling recoils.  
"Like you've had any practice, we were both so young."  
"You were young. I was already 27. Funny what being a clever half-elf does for you."  
"Wh-how did-there's no way-"  
"Oh, it was easy. A place like that full of old, daft men, of course they couldn't tell."  
"And Gubby? Were you really a cleric?"  
"You'll never know. WHy don't you ask Daddy? Maybe he put that neat sword there for us. Maybe he's why you ended up on the steps of that monastery. Maybe he-"  
"Stop it! Go away!" Envy's shaking, hands over her ears, "This is my dream, go away!"  
"Oh, but Envy, you'll never be rid of me, oh no, not ever, so why don't we dance some more-" she tugs on the tiefling's arm as Envy openly weeps. She tugs back and shakes hard, the weight of Norona on her arm making it hurt.  
Envy feels herself start awake and groan softly, her arm hanging over the bed, shield hanging from it painfully. Envy sits up slowly, "Shivyr, are you awake?"  
"nnhhh... wha...?" The sleepy dragon stirred from her slumber.  
"Do you know how to dance?"  
"Define dance." She rolled over, stealing some blanket.  
"I... if I asked you to go outside with me and dance nake... maybe... in here, with... clothes on... I don't know, just-I think I kind of know how to waltz?" she could feel the sheer absurdity of her inquiry permeate her waking brain. "I'm sorry I woke you up."  
"That the one two three one two three one two three dance right... How hard could that be." She mumbled out, sighing as she rolled back to face the buff lady in her bed. "Did you want to go dancing or something?"  
"just-five minutes... two? just for a moment, please? I'll let you get back to sleep after." She bats her eyelashes to the best of her ability.  
Shivyr sighed again, rolling out of bed in her sleeping frock, standing up as she stretched her back a bit. "No space in here, to the living room I guess... try not to wake Dad." She grabbed Envy's hand once the paladin was ready, leading her out of her tiny bedroom.  
"ok." she creeps up and out slowly, a rather comic gesture of having know idea how to really be sneaky, but managing it somehow, following her obediently. With the floorboards creaking the entire way, the two made it to the living room, the pale moonlight shining in through the drawn curtains, Shivyr spreading them open so she could see.   
"Can't fuckin' believe we didn't get darkvision as part of our draconic ancestry. The gods-damned nerve..." She grumbled quietly, turning around to face Envy, her eyes very faintly glowing in the room. "Okay, so, one two three one two three, yeah?"  
"shh, yeah. I can like, just count. And uh, lead." might as well have talked normally for all her whispering did. She put an arm around Shivyr's waist and held her hand up and out, counting softly. Shivyr took her hand, letting her lead her around the living room in a small little waltz, the sound of their feet/hooves/claws tapping on the wooden boards muffled by the old rug stretched over them, the moonlight shining in through the window almost seemed to glow brighter as they began stepping in time, Envy swearing she could hear the faintest sound of music in her ears.  
"I'm sorry, Shivyr, I just needed to think and pray a little." She dips her dancing partner and kisses her demurely, "sorry, let's go back to bed." There's a muted tonk as her shield bumps the arm of Sleet's rocking chair, before the two righted themselves.  
"Yeah, uh, no problem. Let's get back to bed before Dad hears us." the duo creeps, hastily back to Shivyr's bedroom.  
She does a slow pass around the soft field, holding her partner just so, "you really aren't going away anytime soon are you?"  
"Awah, you're no fun. Not even going to act surprised this time."  
"Fool me once." She dipped her dancing partner, then turned, letting her go, "You really hate dancing huh?"  
"I mean-like if I had to do it all the time, probably. On rare occasions, why not?"  
"Well you're here now so you're dancing, like it or not."  
"Ugh, fine." Norona takes her hand, as the two do another pass around the green, soft moonlight overhead.  
"You know, there were a lot of things I wanted to say. About what we were, you and I. The irony of you being a descendant of the moon and now an emissary of Hell. How I was a descendant of Hell and now an emissary of the moon. I never wanted to hurt you."  
"And yet you killed me over a magic sword."  
"I know. I'm sorry. You would have done the same."  
"Yes, I know."  
"And you're not even sorry, are you?"  
"Why? I'm not the one who got murdered."  
"And for all the other things that led us there?"  
Norona stares at her blue dancing partner, "Would there be a reason to be?"  
"Well, for starters it hurt my feelings when I finally figured out you'd done that."  
"Well your dad seems to be a big fan of betrayal, sooo..."  
"I know. And he's in a big-ass iceberg for it." the silence stretches out impossibly, a soft breeze and the shuffing of the grass under their feet. Envy closes her eyes and imagines... something. Soft music played by bards, all rather reminiscient of a familiar rose-colored tiefling. It fills the air and she sighs wistfully. Another pass and she feels something-hair? She opens her eyes and sees a wide green pavilion all of blue-green grass, moonlight filling the area as hundreds of dancers fill the area, and yet ever so graceful they never once seem to bump into each other, only orbit one another in endless, mindboggling grace. She slows for a moment, and Norona pushes away.  
"This is tremendously boring, if I'd known all you were going to do was this in your dreams I'd have saved my energy and found someone else to haunt." She storms off, seemingly oblivious of the host of dancers, all of whom seem to avoid her with effortless grace.  
Envy sighs again and realizes-it creeps up on her steadily, not one dancer here is clothed. And yet the nudity seems to be so innocuous as to be unremarkable. She felt at ease, even, knowing full well she was often naked in her own dreams but to be surrounded by others in such state. She faltered for a moment and a shape-a dark elven woman took her hand and smiled, slowly dancing with her. "Oh-oh. Hello?"  
"Hello sister! Oh it fills my heart with joy for you to have found your way here finally. Welcome home."  
Envy pauses and boggles at the grand features, was it some wooded area under moonlight? Some underground cavern, walls lined with precious stones? She couldn't tell. There was music and dancing and.. peace. It filled her and for once, she felt light, at ease. "Home?"  
"Eilistraee welcomes all who dance for her, yes, you're home."  
Envy scrubbed at her face vigorously, feeling herself openly cry, mumbling as her new friend led her deeper into the crowd of dancing forms, "I just... so happy... wanting this.."  
"There there, take as long as you need, feel free to dance more when you're ready." She felt herself being eased into a-some low couch, probably. Reclining forms, also naked, surrounded this slightly offset area. She rubbed her face, composed herself and looked around. So many drow, so many women. Not all drow and not all women but still... it felt-well her gay little heart was enjoying itself anyways. Something else though, she peered. Another drow woman, reclining, silver hair fanned out over her own pile of pillows, she seemed to beckon to Envy. She felt her face warm, as she looked around to be certain. No? It had to be her this one called to. Envy walked forward, hesitantly as she navigated around reclining bodies and light conversation. Goodness, she's not as far away as I thought.. she halted uncertainly, a few feet away, realizing this woman with skin like jet and hair like mithril seemed to loom, even laying on her side so casually, pillows all over the raised dais she rested on. She had to be, what, ten feet tall? Envy could feel the slow blush, for once having to look up to make eye contact. She opened her mouth, nothing. A second time, just awkward noise.  
The figure eased herself up on an elbow, into a sitting position, smiling at Envy now, "I hope you know who I am. Come, sit."  
"Up-up there, w-w-with you?"  
"Why not? Please, wont you sit with me, dear child?" Eilistraee reached out a hand, as Envy took it and stumbled up to sit with her on her throne of pillows. "It fills my heart to see you find our holy place of love and joy and dancing, sister of mercy."  
"I-I-I've uhh... wwwanted to-to talk to you, you know. I didn't-I don't know how to-I wasn't sure you were..." She sat in dazzled silence, the words run out.  
"Real? Child, not every god is as proactive as the ones you've encountered. I didn't think you needed such a heavy hand, after the onerous yoke you'd shed before."  
"Why me? I'm not really a good person, but here I am." the blue tiefling could feel herself tremble just so in the presence of genuine, benevolent divinity. And then, a hand, a delicate silver comb, run through her hair. Eilistraee is... she tried to focus, to not be overwhelmed-calm, a soft comfort permeated her as the goddess brushed her hair.  
"I didn't. You chose me. For that I am thankful. There are gods like there are stars in the sky. You could have had any one you desired and you chose me. Why me?"  
She could feel tears, down her face again. The goddess withdrew her comb and waited in the soft moonlight and music, as Envy marshalled her thoughts. "Because... because I want to believe in second chances. I want-I'm good at fighting, and swords and all that bullshit but its not what makes me happy. Well not completely, I mean I do kind of like fighting, but not the-like the awful someone-is-going-to-die kind."  
The drow divinity nods, "Yes. That's a worthy sentiment. Truly you are meant to be a sister of mercy; I wish to grant you my love and my peace, spread it wherever your dance is accepted."  
"But-but why me?" her gaze lingers, spying a lone half-elven figure. "I'm an awful person who's done nothing but fuck up and hurt people and-and-"  
"And yet, here you are. Do you want to be a better person?"  
"Yes."  
"And are you willing to learn from your mistakes?"  
"I hope so."  
"Then that is enough. I love you, dearly and hope that you will share my love with everyone who is willing to accept my love into their hearts. Go to her, I know it weighs on your heart."  
Envy stirred from her resting position, closing the distance with an ease, around other dancers with preternatural grace and agility. "Norona. Hey."  
"Oh, you again." She seemed diminshed, despondent even.  
"Why are you doing this anyways?"  
"Doing what?" Envy crossed her arms and stared hard at the moping shade, "Alright alright, fine. God, endless black void stuck with my-my-"  
"Rival? Former best friend?"  
"You, you asshole. That's who."  
"Still not answering me. Do you not see... the-?" she gestured about, "None of it? Its really pretty, you know."  
"No? Am I supposed to be?"  
"Never mind, back to what I was asking before, why haunt me?"  
"Because... I don't want to go."  
"Go where?" But it was easy to see, as Norona whimpered and clung to Envy suddenly. She could see it, inky blackness and cold wrapped in a fiery hellscape of... well, Hell.  
"I'm scared, Envy."  
"I can see that, just hold on to me, you don't have to go."  
"I'm going to have to, sooner or later, E."  
"Why?"  
"Because... its where I belong. After everything I've done..."  
"Shh. What if there was another way?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"'Rona, would you dance with me for a while? Dance... and listen?"

**Author's Note:**

> I was so-so wanting to put up some parallel of Envy eternally holding out hope for redemption for Norona and Eilistraee eternally holding out hope for the drow and her mother Lolth, but I figure this is good enough. Yes, bitty, I didn't name Karlech by name in this, but its pretty obvious anyways. Eilistraee is bae and I will hear no words against her in my house.


End file.
